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Funny chats from customer service

I run this website focusing primarily on real estate, architecture and databases, in average per day 20 people contact me via chat for consultation, purchase of my works, professional consultation and other services.

But sometimes I get funny messages, bad customers who do not want to pay my services, waste my time or even insult me when I am helping them, odd requests that have nothing to do with the services I offer, or simply children who like trolling on customer service line, disturbing me from serving real customers. I made this section to publish the FUNNIEST chats.

Published chats are an exception rather than a rule, the reason of publishing is reading amusement, NOT to defame the person who contacted me. What I posted here are less than 1% of total people who contacted me. Personal details (people names, email addresses, IP addresses, etc) are hidden, only country is visible. Read more: privacy policy.

Also please DO NOT contact me and talk funny then request publication of your conversation in Funny Chats section, hoping “to contribute” to my website. I created this website as portfolio of my works and promote my services, NOT to generate and publish as many funny chats is possible. The Funny Chats section contain chats that happened accidentally during doing my customer service job.

Weird customers that I cannot understand

    Some people send me vague messages that makes me impossible to understand them. I am posting these chats there hoping that someone can explain me what these people wanted, and hoping that more customers will contact me, this time explaining clearly what they wants.

    Good indian customers

      Most of world businesses avoid Indian customers because most of them aggressively ask services but do not want to pay for, ask off-topic stuff without reading what we offer, bargain asking for ridiculous discounts, try to scam you to work for free and run away without paying, etc.

      Here are few examples of GOOD Indian customers PAYING for services, hope others will do the same.

      BAD indian customers

      I am writing this page to inform all architecture students and professionals (and not only) what they should expect from Indian customers.

      Architecture is a difficult job to be done online, with many customers coming for free consultation and not interested in paying complete service, but Indian people are by far, the WORST customers, having NO RESPECT for architects and aggressively requesting custom house plans that they are not willing to pay for. This makes almost impossible to get a paying customer in India (also nearby countries, Pakistan, Bangladesh, etc).

      Some people hate chat pop-up

        I use a chat widget on my website since January 2012. As 2014 about 10 people message me per day, over 3000 per year, thousands people say thanks for helping them via chat, but someone thinks that the chat widget invade his privacy… probably he will never visit my website again!

        Hi, I am Mr. X

          People who previously chatted with me, when they visit my website again, are advised to say Hi, I am Mr. X, to help me knowing that are same person. But sometimes people who visit my website for first time also start conversation using their names, and if it match someone else’s name, the chat turns FUNNY!

          Feedback that I cannot understand (2022-12-13)

            I received a strange email, I replied and found that the sender wanted to give feedback / suggestions for my website. After exchanging few emails I still not able to understand what he meant in his first email, what is the actual suggestion, what do I need to change on my website?

            Is this a business opportunity or time-waster?

              I received an email telling me about their company, but it was not clear what they want from me, other than requesting discussion, so I told him to come on my website LiveChat to discuss. He replied “Seems like you don’t understand our intention” and I never heard again from them.

              In January 2018 I lost a collaboration with a Canada company, I don’t want to lose again such opportunity, but at same time I don’t even know if this was a business opportunity or a time-waster… I post emails here hoping that someone else will help me understanding what this person actually wanted?

              Strange chat: HDB flat types (2021-05-31)

                “what is the HDB flat type if it is a loft unit?” he asked a question that answered himself. He also mention loft units in Bishan town but I am not aware of any.

                What is wrong here? (2021-04-27)

                  This customer asked for Italy car database, I told him that I have a German database good for whole Europe, he insisted with Italy, so I offered to create Italian database, he refused, rated chat BAD and commented “no words”!

                  I am curious what turnout had his project since there is NO such italian database ready-available for purchase, he must pay someone to create it.

                  Good customer (2021-03-15)

                    Been criticized for promoting negativism by posting chats that are funny rather than successful deals, someone asked me what is the chatbox intended for? Here is an example of what is chatbox intended for: a customer interested to purchase a database, ask few questions then make payment.

                    How I calmed down an ANGRY customer (2021-03-15)

                      This happen when someone purchase BEFORE contacting me to explain requirements: he purchased wrong car database and messaged me COMPLAIN… I asked him to tell requirements and offered him in exchange another database that was exactly what he was looking for. We turned BOTH HAPPY!

                      Funny customer calling me a “fucking machine” (2021-02-04)

                        This person came to buy a car database and asked an improper question about pricing, which made me to give him an improper answer, for next 40 minutes he talked funny (worth reading to laugh) accusing me for being a “robot not answering questions” and “arguing with a fucking machine” and typos in spelling (when actually HE made more typos than mine). After 1 hour he calmed down and purchased database.

                        Kids wasting my time (2021-01-22)

                          Someone (probably a kid) started a pointless conversation, admitting that “just wanted someone to talk to” then said “sorry for wasting your time” but after 2 days he/she came again, asking “But do you remember me?” I only answered that I don’t have time for pointless conversations. Probably thinking that I do not have ability to see same IP, he/she started few more conversations, in one pretending to be a businessman, in other pretending that want to buy one of my items (but not indicating what item, probably he/she didn’t even know what I am selling). In the end I banned IP.

                          Hardest customer I ever dealt with

                            This person contacted me via chat on 21 January 2021, after initial chat conversation moved to email. He turned to be a DUMB person suffering from memory loss, I answered all his questions and he blamed me for not answering and repeated questions over and over again. We exchanged 18 emails, wasting time without doing any sale.

                            Mobile phones strange customer

                            Over 30 customers and all were HAPPY… except below one. He tells me to check/fix an error but personally I don’t see any error, I don’t understand what he expect me to change? Does anyone else understand?

                            Serious customer or kid doing a PRANK?

                              This person started conversation like a kid bored in school, asking childish questions, then after he figure out that I has been working in architecture, he said that want to build a house and ready to pay $1000… I asked for site plan and he DID gave me a site plan, but looks like he googled for a site plan just to find one to send me and keep conversation on-going for NO REASON, when he actually did not owned or building any house.

                              Very off-topic request (2020-10-16)

                                A stupid indian visited (World Cities Database with population) and asked for a database of phone numbers of students… totally unrelated with what I am selling.

                                RUDE customer (2020-10-14)

                                  Customer asked for price, I answered $400-500 for construction equipment extracting data from, and asked customer from where I should extract data for trucks, price depends by complexity of website, he has NOT provided any website to source data from, rated chat bad and called me a time-waster… why some customers are so RUDE?

                                  Non-serious customer wasting my time (2020-10-14)

                                    Customer asked me to extract data from “this website” without mentioning website URL, and I asked him 3 times to provide URL of website, but he NEVER provided any URL… he just wasted my time

                                    12-year old PRANK me that want to buy a database (2020-10-04

                                      Given by his attitude, repeating “hello” and “are you here” if I didn’t answered in 10 seconds, is obviously that he was a kid who is not buying anything = NOT A CUSTOMER, so the way I talk have NO importance. He closed chat and started another chat pretending that is his parent and apologize for his son… but using same childish attitude!

                                      Insistent customer (2020-10-04)

                                        I told him that I don’t have and NOT going to create such car parts database, and he is insistently asking how much $ I want to create the database.

                                        Serious customer who started chat in a stupid way (2020-09-23)

                                          I do not take in serious visitors messaging me questions about other countries than the pages viewed, they are often kids doing research for a school project, bored in classroom and want to talk with / PRANK someone.

                                          But not this time… behind initial messages that looked like an idiot asking about New Zealand on a website primarily aimed on Singapore housing, there was a hidden businessman who want to pay me $2000/month

                                          Idiot cannot explain properly what he needs but call me RUDE

                                            I am selling databases and he say “I don’t have a database I need to find a program” = inability to write english correctly. Never clicked the links I gave him in chat to understand what databases I am selling… and in the end he say “Wow you trying to sell something and your rude to me”… does anyone understand what he actually wanted?